What is the scam?
An online romance scam is a long-term manipulation where a scammer creates a fake identity on a dating app, social media platform, or messaging service and builds a romantic relationship with you over weeks or months. The relationship feels real — affectionate messages, shared stories, future plans — but the person behind the profile is working toward a single goal: getting you to send money.
Romance scams are among the most financially harmful scams in the country. The FTC recorded $1.14 billion in romance scam losses in 2023, with a median loss of $2,000 per victim — the highest of any imposter scam category. In 2024, nearly 59,000 people reported being targeted. The FBI’s San Francisco field office alone tracked over $40 million in romance scam losses in 2025, nearly double the prior year.
What makes romance scams uniquely effective is that the emotional bond itself becomes the weapon. Unlike a phishing email you might ignore or a threatening phone call you can hang up on, a romance scam exploits feelings of trust, love, and hope. Victims don’t feel like they’re being scammed — they feel like they’re helping someone they care about. This is why romance scams are consistently underreported. Many victims are too embarrassed or heartbroken to come forward, which means the real financial toll is almost certainly much higher than official numbers suggest.
How this scam usually works
Romance scams follow a predictable pattern, even though each one feels deeply personal to the victim. Understanding the stages makes the scam much easier to recognize.
Stage 1: The initial contact
The scammer reaches out through a dating app, social media platform, or sometimes a “wrong number” text. About 40% of romance scam victims report that the initial contact came through social media. Tinder is the most impersonated dating app, with a 43% increase in scam attacks in 2024.
The profile looks genuine — attractive photos, a believable biography, and enough detail to seem like a real person. The scammer may claim to be a military service member stationed overseas, a doctor working abroad, an engineer on an oil rig, or a successful business person traveling internationally. These cover stories explain why they can’t meet in person and why they may have unusual communication schedules.
Stage 2: Building the relationship
This is the phase that makes romance scams so effective and so difficult to escape. The scammer invests real time — sometimes weeks or months — building an emotional connection. They send frequent messages, ask about your day, share personal stories, and express growing affection. They may send flowers or small gifts. They remember details about your life and bring them up later.
The scammer typically pushes to move the conversation off the dating platform to a private messaging app like WhatsApp, Telegram, or Google Chat. This isolates the communication and removes the dating platform’s fraud detection tools from the equation. Moving to a private channel also makes the relationship feel more intimate and exclusive.
During this phase, the scammer identifies your vulnerabilities — financial stress, loneliness, recent loss, desire for companionship — and tailors their approach accordingly. This isn’t accidental. Many romance scam operations are run by organized groups that train scammers in psychological manipulation techniques.
Stage 3: The first request for money
Once the emotional bond is established, the scammer introduces a crisis that requires financial help. Common stories include a medical emergency, a legal problem, a business deal that fell through, travel expenses to come visit you, or customs fees to release a package they sent.
The first request is often modest — a few hundred dollars — to test whether you’ll send money. If you do, the requests increase in size and frequency. Each new crisis feels urgent and temporary: “I just need help this one time, and then everything will be fine.”
The scammer asks for payment through methods that are difficult to reverse: wire transfers, gift cards, cryptocurrency, or Zelle. To understand why these specific methods are preferred, see Why Scammers Ask For Gift Cards, Crypto, and Zelle.
Stage 4: Pig butchering — the investment variant
A growing subset of romance scams involves fake investments, often called “pig butchering” (a term that refers to “fattening up” the victim before the financial slaughter). In this version, the scammer doesn’t directly ask for money. Instead, they introduce you to a cryptocurrency trading platform or investment opportunity that appears to be generating impressive returns.
The platform looks legitimate but is entirely controlled by the scammer. You deposit money and see your “balance” grow on screen. You may even be allowed to make a small withdrawal early on to build trust. But when you try to withdraw a larger amount, the platform demands fees, taxes, or additional deposits. Eventually, the platform disappears along with your money.
This tactic has been enormously profitable. One estimate puts global pig butchering losses at $75 billion over four years. The FBI reported over $3.5 billion in losses and 40,000 U.S. victims from pig butchering schemes in 2023 alone. For more on investment scams, see our article on the investment and get rich quick scam.
Stage 5: Escalation and isolation
As the scam progresses, the scammer works to isolate you from people who might recognize what’s happening. They may discourage you from telling friends or family about the relationship. If someone in your life raises concerns, the scammer frames it as jealousy or interference.
The financial requests continue to grow. Victims who have already sent thousands of dollars feel trapped — they’ve invested so much that walking away means accepting the loss. Scammers exploit this psychology by promising that one more payment will resolve everything. Some victims take out loans, drain retirement accounts, or sell property to keep sending money.
Real-world examples
Joe from the Midwest received a Facebook message from a stranger in early 2024. What seemed like a whirlwind romance evolved into a scheme to lure him into fake cryptocurrency investments. The woman he believed he was dating recommended an investment platform that showed his balance growing. By April, he had transferred $280,000 — nearly his entire life savings — to the site. Then the woman and her Facebook profile vanished. The investment platform was fake, and the money was gone.
Barry from the East Coast was contacted on social media by a woman who called herself Anna. She claimed to live in New York. Over time, the relationship deepened and Barry began investing in what she recommended. He was preparing to take out a loan from his credit union to send even more money when the FBI called him. Agents told him that most of his money was already gone. He was left with about $10,000 to his name.
A woman featured in an ABC News report lost $450,000 to a pig butchering romance scam. The scammer built a relationship with her over months, then introduced a cryptocurrency investment that appeared to be generating profits. By the time she realized the platform was fake, she had sent nearly all of her savings.
Shan Hanes, the CEO of Heartland Tri-State Bank in Elkhart, Kansas, was himself caught in a pig butchering romance scam. He embezzled $47 million from his own bank to fund what he believed were cryptocurrency investments recommended by someone he’d met online. The bank failed in 2023 as a direct result. Hanes pleaded guilty to embezzlement in May 2024 and was sentenced to 24 years in federal prison. This case illustrates that romance scams affect people across every profession and income level.
Red flags: Real online relationship vs. romance scam
| Genuine Online Connection | Romance Scam Warning Signs |
|---|---|
| Willing to video chat and meet in person | Always has excuses to avoid video calls or meeting |
| Lives locally or makes concrete plans to visit | Claims to be overseas — military, oil rig, medical mission |
| Conversations develop naturally over time | Intense affection and “I love you” within days or weeks |
| Never asks you for money | Asks for money for emergencies, travel, or investments |
| Encourages you to talk to friends and family | Discourages you from telling others about the relationship |
| Has a verifiable social media presence with history | Profile is new, has few friends, or uses stock-looking photos |
| Respects your boundaries and pace | Pushes to move off dating app to private messaging quickly |
| Shares real details you can verify | Story details don’t add up or change over time |
How to protect yourself
Never send money to someone you haven’t met in person. This is the most effective protection against romance scams. It doesn’t matter how real the relationship feels, how many messages you’ve exchanged, or how urgent their crisis seems. If you’ve never met someone face to face, don’t send them money.
Be cautious of fast-moving emotional intensity. If someone you met online is expressing deep love within the first few weeks, that’s a pattern scammers follow deliberately. Real relationships develop gradually. Manufactured ones accelerate because the scammer has a financial goal to reach.
Reverse image search their photos. Copy their profile photos and search them using Google Images or TinEye. Scammers frequently steal photos from real people’s social media accounts. If the same photos appear under different names on other platforms, you’re talking to a scammer.
Stay on the dating platform as long as possible. Dating apps have fraud detection systems that monitor for scam patterns. When a scammer pushes to move to WhatsApp, Telegram, or another private app, they’re trying to escape those protections. Staying on the platform longer gives you more protection.
Be skeptical of investment advice from romantic interests. A person you met online who steers you toward a cryptocurrency platform or investment opportunity is following the pig butchering playbook. Legitimate romantic partners don’t introduce you to trading platforms. For a broader look at tactics that should raise red flags, see What Real Companies Will Never Ask You To Do.
Talk to someone you trust. Romance scammers work to isolate you. Telling a friend, family member, or therapist about the relationship gives someone else a chance to notice warning signs you might be too emotionally invested to see.
What to do if you’ve been affected
If you suspect you’re being scammed: Stop all communication immediately. Don’t warn the scammer or give them a chance to talk you out of it — they’re trained in persuasion, and engaging further only gives them more opportunities to manipulate you. Block their number and profiles across all platforms.
If you sent money: Contact your bank or payment provider immediately and report the transactions as fraud. If you paid with gift cards, contact the gift card company with the card numbers — in some cases the funds haven’t been redeemed yet. If you sent cryptocurrency, report the wallet addresses to the platform you used. File a complaint with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov and report to the FTC at reportfraud.ftc.gov.
If you shared personal information: If you provided your Social Security number, bank account numbers, or other personal details, take steps to protect your identity. Place fraud alerts with the credit bureaus, monitor your credit report at annualcreditreport.com, and consider a credit freeze. See our guide on How To Secure Your Online Accounts for a complete walkthrough.
If you invested in a platform the scammer recommended: Stop making deposits immediately. Document the platform URL, your account details, and all transactions. Report the platform to the FBI and the SEC. Don’t pay any “withdrawal fees” or “tax payments” the platform requests — these are additional scam tactics.
If someone you know is being scammed: This situation requires patience and empathy. The victim is emotionally attached to someone they believe is real, and direct confrontation often pushes them closer to the scammer. Our guide Someone I Love Might Be Getting Scammed offers specific strategies for approaching this conversation without driving the person away.
Give yourself grace. Romance scams work because they exploit fundamental human needs — connection, trust, and love. Falling for one doesn’t mean you’re gullible or foolish. These scams are run by organized operations with sophisticated psychological tactics. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.